What is Love?
What is love? Let me use this simple statement to help you understand what is love. When you love someone, you are happy when that person is happy. You are sad when that person is sad. This applies, whether it is parental love, a brotherly love or a love between a man and a woman. If you find that you are with someone whom you have no qualms making use of to achieve your goals, you are not in love with that person. If you do not feel any pain when you see that person sad and in fact, you enjoy stiring up an inferior feeling in that person, just so that that person will not think too highly of himself/herself and hence will not leave you, then you are not in love. You are just using mind games to control, manipulate and possess someone. You might get jealous when you lose that person but that is not love. You might even get so obssessed with wanting to win the liking of someone (the more they reject you, the harder you try), that is not love either, it is a bondage you are caught in as a result of the rejection and pain you are going through. When you love someone, you do not lose your mind. All you want is the best for that person. You will not hurt that person because it is more painful on you to see that person being hurt.
Love is not a trap
Looking from the other side of the coin, if you are with someone who has no qualms making you feel lousy and insecure, you are being manipulated, you are not being loved. The person you are with may simply be a person who is incapable of loving. Perhaps, he/she would not let go of you and you perceive that he/she treasures you. Yet, when you are with this person, you find yourself in a roller-coaster ride. Sometimes, you are so loved till you feel you are flying so close to heaven, but a lot of the time, you are crying, you are mistreated. You want to get out but you are unable because you feel so alone and painful without this person. It is like an addiction to drugs. It harms you but you are unable to break free. My child, you must believe in this:
1. There truly exists a God, the Creator of this universe, who created you and who loves you more than your own parents could. God loves and treasures you so much that even if this world only has YOU, only one person, God will still send His one and only beloved Son, Jesus to come and die for you. God did this so that you can live a life of freedom:
He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins.
Ephesians 1:7 (NLT)
2. You belong to Jesus. Look at this verse:
So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son.
Ephesians 1:6 (NLT)
Jesus, the Son of God, the Prince and darling of heaven, loves you so deeply that He left heaven’s throne to come and save you. You are not alone in this world even if in this physical world, you are without any parents or siblings or friends who love you. Jesus is with you. He loves you.
You cannot see Him or feel His love does not mean that does not exist. The oxygen that we breathe occupies 21% of our atmosphere, yet we cannot see it. The Photosynthesis process where plants make their food is happening every second everywhere where there are plants, yet we cannot see it nor feel it nor hear it. The things that we do not see exist and are real.
Jesus loves you, truly, even if you cannot see Him. All He wanted is that you are happy and live a life of freedom.
3. It is not your fault if you let go in a situation as this: If you are sticking with someone because you feel sympathy towards that person, it is most likely you have already discovered that that person is not good for you and you are no longer in love with that person. Staying on to try to make things work will only cause more harm to that person and may eventually harm yourself.
Meditate on the above truths and these truths will set you free.
The Love that God first designed
We have read in Genesis 1:22, 25 that every living creature that God had made, is able to reproduce more of its own kind. This means that the male and female version of each species of living creatures was created at the same time so they can reproduce. So why was Eve not created at the same time as Adam? Human beings are made in the image of God. This means we can understand what is rejection, humiliation, love, favour, and many other feelings. God make everyone of us unique. He wants each and everyone of us to feel loved and treasured. We are priceless to Him, so much so that He gave His one and only beloved Son, Jesus to die for us. God has never intended for anyone to feel like a commodity, to feel cheap, to feel like dirt, to feel used. In God’s eyes, we are forever loved by Him, deeply, immensely. For this reason, God did not create Adam and Eve at the same time simply for the purpose of reproduction. Instead, God wanted Eve to feel loved and be cherished by Adam and He wanted Eve to admire and respect Adam. So how did God achieve that?
God wanted Adam to be able to love and to be respected
We read in Genesis 2:18 that God had already said that He will make a suitable companion for Adam. So, God knew from the start that He will be making a female version of human. Yet God did not make Eve soon after He said He will in Genesis 1:18. Instead God brought the animals to Adam first. Why? In verse 19, we read that God brought the living creatures to Adam, for Adam to name them. This is a time where Adam was inheriting the kingdom God had created for Adam. Verse 20 describes a period where Adam was assigned the mission of naming all of God’s creation –whatever name that Adam gave, that was the name of that living creature. In other words, Adam had been given authority. He had God’s approval. He had a career, a purpose, a kingdom. Despite all these Adam realized, unlike all other living creatures, he was without a suitable companion. This means that Adam looked forward to someone who could understand him and communicate with him. God knew Adam better than he knew himself. God gave Adam the mission before He gave Adam his mate. Why? The reason is because God was creating a condition such that when Eve entered this world, she would admire and respect Adam for who he was. Her admiration and respect for Adam would be the greatest motivation for him. In addition, God wanted Adam to see and understand what is love and companionship and to realise his need for a companion. Genesis 2:20 is not telling us that God discovered that none of the living creatures is a suitable helper for Adam. Certainly, God knew that only a female human is suitable for Adam. Verse 20 can only mean that God’s intention was to help Adam look forward to a companion. It was at that right timing that God caused Adam to sleep while He created Eve. In verse 21 and 22, we learned that God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep and took one of Adam’s ribs to make Eve. God created Adam from dust (Genesis 2:7), why did He not create Eve from dust? This tells us that God’s intention for the love between a man and a woman was one that is so deep and intimate that the man should love the woman as he loves himself, just as Christ loves the church (His bride) and would sacrifice for her (Ephesians 5:25). Genesis 2:23 tells us how joyful Adam was when he saw Eve. This confirms that Adam had truly realised his need for a suitable companion and was looking forward to her.
This is the original plan when God first instituted marriage and this is always God’s will for marriage — that the man should love his wife as he loves himself and would sacrifice for her. It is for this reason that when you watch the movies, regardless of which country, which era of time that movie is from, a love story always have it such that the man will always want to protect and provide for the woman he loves. Do not think that this is too idealistic and that you will never find such a man.
My child, if you are a girl looking for a life time partner, do not accept a man who would ever hit you. Do not think that it is your fault that provoke him to violence and hence you need to rectify the situation. Do not accept someone whom, even before marriage, would cheat on you or would ever hit you, for whatever reasons. Trust the LORD to bring the right person into your life.
If you are already with a male person who would hit you (physical abuse), ask you to earn money to provide for him, neglect you (emotional abuse) and tell you all sorts of lies and blame you for causing you hurt (mental abuse), that relationship is not planned by God. Such a male person is the son of the devil (John 8:44). It is very dangerous to be with anyone who would hit you/ and your children, even if that person claims to be a Christian, or was once upon a time good to you or you are married to him or he is the father of your children. Any male person who would ever lay hands on a woman and children is a very dangerous person. For the sake of protecting yourself and your children, you should immediately seek help to stay away from such a person.
The LORD watches over you and will provide for you. You must make a decision and choose to protect yourself and your children. You may be heartbroken now but do not be careless to think that things will get better and endanger yourself and your children. Do not think you can turn things around or be deceived to believe that it was your fault and you have the responsibility or ability to rectify the relationship. If you love him so much and unwilling to lose him, trust that when you let go to the LORD, He will work all things good for you, your children and even for your partner (Romans 8:28). Only God can change such a person but it will take time. Let go and let God work things out for you.
The love that God first designed is one where the man will love and cherish the woman as he cherishes his own self. It is a love so great that could propel him to sacrifice for her. It is a love relationship where the woman is full of admiration and respect for the man. It is one where she supports him and not fights with him for his kingdom and glory. For all these conditions to happen, the ingredient of right timing is vital and only God can orchestrate this. My child, in this fallen world, the love that God first designed may be difficult to happen but it is not impossible. Only God knows which person is ready to love, cherish and respect you and which person is someone whom you can cherish, admire and respect. You must believe that it is God’s will to bless you. Let God write your life’s love story. He is love, He is the Creator of love. When God writes your love story, it will be the most beautiful love story. Ask God for the wisdom and courage to walk out of a trap. Know that it is not God’s will for you to be trapped in a relationship that is destroying you. Jesus has already paid the price for your freedom. You can walk out of any trap when you choose to walk with Jesus. You must always remember that God, the Creator of this universe is your heavenly Father. You are a prince/princess. Today, choose to walk out of any trap and choose to walk with Jesus. He will never fail you. It will not be a difficult journey when you cast all your cares upon Him. If you are not yet a believer, you can pray this prayer to receive Jesus into your life:
“Dear LORD Jesus, I believe you are the Son of God and that you love me so much that you left your throne in Heaven to come into this world to suffer on my behalf. You chose to die for my sins so that I can be set free from a life of poverty, pain, defeat and bondages of sins. I pray that You come into my life and be my LORD and Saviour. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit so that I can lead a victorious life. I believe that from this moment on, I am a new creation. Help me to walk with you each day so that I am able to enjoy the rich and satisfying life that God had planned for me when He formed me. In Jesus’ name I pray, Amen.”
If you have said the above prayer, you are born again by the Holy Spirit. Write down this date so that you will never forget this new birthday. You are now a child of God, you are a new creation. You have the Kingdom of heaven to inherit. You have a new life, you are called a Christian. Look for a church near you, start reading the bible everyday and walk with Jesus. You can turn to Jesus with all your cares and worries. He is with you always and He will guide you. You will be amazed as you walk this new journey.