Recently I watched a drama series entitled “Legend of Xiao Chuo (2020)“. It is about the Liao Dynasty where 3 sisters married into 3 branches of descendants of the royal Yelu family. At the beginning of the series, the sisters were close and grew up sharing the same bed. However, as each married to husbands who were descendants of the royal family and have equal rights to the throne, there were lots of plotting, rebels and fighting for the throne. Of the 3 sisters, the youngest sister, Xiao Yanyan became the empress.  The 40 episodes series ended with Xiao Yanyan being hated by her own sisters who even plotted to poison her, even though she had never devise any harm against her sisters.

What a family should be

I once read a book where the author says that the world has is so full of fighting and challenges that our home should be a safe haven where we can come home to take refuge. It should not be a place where we come home to fight. I thank God that I read that when my child was still young. Since then, whatever happens, the rule of thumb is that a home must not be a fighting place. It has to be a place where we accept each other’s shortcomings. It must never be a place of abuse in any form. Nor a place where we show our irritation towards another’s habit. We simply have to learn to be gentle and loving, to accept and adapt. After all the fights in the outside world — in school, or at work– a home is where we can run to and know that our family members are always there to support, believe in us and stand by us.

When your family does not stand by you

Some of us, unfortunately, come from dysfunctional families. Sometimes, our siblings can be so self-centered that they do not even know that they are exploiting us. In a lot of the time, there are sibling rivalry. Jealousy and hatred are such strong negative emotions that it can drive Cain to murder Abel and the 10 brothers of Joseph to sell him into slavery. Recently, I counselled a church friend who used to hold senior positions in multinational corporations. She described to me how after she encountered a tragedy where her career and reputation was so ruined that she could hardly find a way to make a decent living. Then the people closest to her, her old time school mates and best friends and her sisters initially appeared to be supportive. However, as time pass, some came to her to offer very lowly paid jobs. When she turned down, they became angry. Some, seeing that she is very skillful in web design persuaded her to work on projects but with no intention to pay for her work. All sorts of exploits. She asked me “Does the problem lie in me? The fact that I fall out with so many people, something must be wrong with me. Am I the common denominator?” This is a very painful thing in life. When the people closest to you are doing all kinds of exploitation and abuse, you become confused and depressed. You feel alone in this world. If this is how you feel, I want you to know these truths:

    • It does not mean that if many people hates you, then the fault lies in you.

Look at the story of Joseph. All the 10 brothers hated him. Was it his fault? NO! Absolutely not! He did nothing!

Look at the story of Abel, did Abel do anything wrong, did he provoke Cain? No!

Look at the story of Jesus. How the multitudes shouted for him to be crucified instead of Barabbas. Matt. 27:20, Mark 15:11

In fact, it really puzzles me how is it that the people, who has seen and heard all the miracles Jesus performed during His 3 years ministry, could be persuaded by the chief priest to shout for Jesus to be crucified.

    • Many things are spiritual, so do not waste your effort being saddened by them.

In 2 Samuel 13, we read about the story of Tamar, the daughter of King David, being loved and raped by her half brother, Amnon. Read this scripture:


14 However he would not listen to her voice; but being stronger than she, he forced her, and lay with her. 15 Then Amnon hated her with exceedingly great hatred; for the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her. Amnon said to her, “Arise, be gone!” — 2 Samuel 13:14


If you read a chapter before that incident, in 2 Samuel 12:10-11, the prophet Nathan has delivered to King David the message from God that because King David killed Uriah the Hittite, “the sword will never depart” from David’s house. The raping of Tamar was a prelude that lead to her brother, Absalom, killing Amnon 2 years later.

People’s minds can be affected by the devil and when they allow negative feelings to control them, they can end up doing all sorts  of evil. In Luke 9:55, Jesus said to His disciples, “You do not know what manner of spirit you are of.

In John 15:18-19, Jesus said this:

18 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. 19 If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you.

How can you overcome it

Turn to God, focus upon Jesus. Know how much your Heavenly Father loves you. Meditate upon His love for you. I understand how painful it can be when someone close to you betray you or hurt you in any way. Remember these truths:

    • God loves you very, very deeply.

He is right here with you. Jesus feels every pain, every tear drop that you shed. He collected all your tears. (Psalm 56:8)

The bible says in Psalm 27:10 that even when your father and mother forsake you, the Lord will hold you close. In Isaiah 49:15-16, God says He will never forget you. Your name is written in God’s palm!

    • God has great plans for you

Just as in the story of Joseph, when all his brothers meant evil, God has great plans for Joseph. God loves you. So believe and give thanks as stated in 1 Thessalonians 5:18:, in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. God will turn everything bitter in your life to something sweet and beautiful.